CFS. Not Tired. Just Chronically Fatigued...All the Time

I realized even the people closest to me do not understand what it means to have CFS. They confuse fatigue with sleepiness. If you want an expert on the difference then I am the person to ask. The reason is because for years I have suffered from a sleep disorder. At the worst point my day consisted of sleep, class, sleep, class, sleep, lunch/nap, sleep, class, sleep sleep sleep, function between the hours of 9 pm to 1 am. Not to mention if I got to upset I would pretty much roll over and go into a deep sleep. You couldn't even have an argument with me because every time I got overly upset I fell asleep.

Treating the disorder left me a new appreciation for how wonderful actually being awake is. So there you have it, I understand what it means to be 'sleepy.' Now I understand there is a worse thing than being able to literally fall asleep all over. It goes by the name of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and is a serious bitch to live with. Not until today did I realize not even my long-term boyfriend understood what it means to live with this shite.

I'm definitely going to have to get one of these shirts!

I'm the reason for his misunderstanding. I keep my fatigue a dirty little secret. It's actually not to hard. I just make sure he does not visit until at least five or six in the evening. By that time the afternoon fatigue has somewhat abated. The impression he gets is of me being somewhat lively. Thus why I had to explain what truthfully happens most afternoons: I go into my fatigued coma sleep. Wake me at your own risk. My body does not react well at suddenly being woken. Expect abrupt movements and a lot of wide-eyed 'whhhaaaaa??!!'

Even after I am awoken I still do not feel 'awake' or anything in the realm of energized. I live in the constant state of 'I have just gotten over a long bout of a particularly nasty flu' feeling of fatigue. You cannot fight it with sleep or rest. There is no escape from it. Think of it as being thirsty. You drink and drink and drink all the time. The result is you feel a little less thirsty with drinking all that liquid but at the core of it, you are still thirsty. That is chronic fatigue syndrome. You can rest, sleep, rest some more, and maybe you will feel slightly better but the fatigue never ever goes away.


I think about other people who live with CFS and feel for them. How to explain what it really feels like? Who could possibly understand why it is impossible to do something most find so simple, like hold a job? Only those with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome can honestly say they do understand how it feels to live such a life. It sucks. A lot. But at least we are not alone even if our mutual bond happens to be understanding each other's feelings of misery.

To everyone who does not live with CFS on a daily basis I want ya to do something for me. Learn about Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. Why? Because someday someone you know or even love could develop the disease. Learn about it now so you do not make yourself look like a moron later. Trust me. Take a very very fatigued person, put them with someone who makes idiotic comments or thinks their condition may be more of a 'mental' thing, and you can expect to either bring us to tears or get a punch to the face. Ain't nobody got time for your ignorance.

So learn about Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. It's not an obscure condition to find and you do not have to be a scientist, medical student, or genius to understand what sites like MayoClinic have to say on the subject. I will even help you. This LINK leads to the CDC's site on Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. You can also go to Mayo Clinic.com or browse the free journals on Pubmed.com. Just don't go to WebMD. Seriously. You go on there for a headache and leave thinking it's an inoperable brain tumor. Don't risk it.