Shooting Star...Death or Love?

Years ago I read when one sees a shooting star it means someone has died. I imparted this wisdom under a night filled with stars. My boyfriend and I were laying out on a summer's eve, under a clear night sky. "Look a shooting star!" Later he told me he thought this would be a romantic moment. The two of us under a starry sky like something from a romantic movie. I think this was the part where I was supposed to lean in and we share a romantic-movie style kiss.

Instead I looked straight at him and proclaimed, 'that means someone died.' Later I would explain this may partly have been due to being under painkillers. The other part being my own belief behind the meaning. Logically our sky would be filled with shooting stars if it meant one for every person who died. No one ever clarified precisely what the death part meant.

I don't view a shooting star as an omen of bad luck. One which should make us afraid of death. In a way I find it a beautiful thought. Almost like a sign the person has moved on from this life. They disappear in a blaze of glory before their soul is sent to one of two places.

I lack a great deal in expressing the romance beauty in life. Love is love. Starry-eyes, kisses under a night sky, and all those Hollywood ideals pale in comparison to true love. Love like spending a night holding the hand of the woman you love as she lays in the ICU. Being there for her through the good days where tremors are few and a chronic illness is easily hidden. Then giving support on the bad days. The ones which are filled with pain, loneliness, and a thought of how much more one can actually take before giving up. To me, this is love.

Every day which passes I feel like I am growing a bit more at understanding this chronically ill life. I am trying my best to understand more to this life. My attempts at growing in the understanding of starry-eyed movie romance woman are not perfect. The long-time boyfriend pronounced the change 'unnerving and a bit weird' at first. I'm not perfect in anything especially not deciphering shooting stars. No matter how many times I see one I will always instantly think 'someone died.' Hardly the thought which prompts delicate kisses.

Instead of declaring love on a shooting star I have started to say it every day. This sent my boyfriend into a panic. He used to feel as though I was saying it because I was going to die. I'm not dying (I hope not anyway). I just don't want to ever face a life where I wish I had said I love you and didn't. No one knows what life holds but we can control what we say about it.