Chronic illness Finds Grandmother Too

Being chronically ill has meant losing a lot of people and gaining more than I ever thought was needed. One of the most important being a lady who I have come to view as a grandmother. My own grandmother never knew who I was; much less sat and taught me how to sew or hugged me when I needed support. True. She was already well into the later stages of dementia by the time I was old enough to understand it. This explains away many a sadness but I am told of other events which make me ponder whether or not I would have found a grandmotherly love from her.

My younger sister claims I grow attached to people easily. Not necessarily true. When it comes to friendships I have dealt with far to many negative experiences to allow myself full trust in anyone. Being sick only taught me a great deal of painful lessons regarding so-called 'best friend' relationships. To this day, I still don't believe I will ever get over the events to declare someone else to have the role. I learned the hard way. For a while it was a bitter thing to admit but I have grown a great deal in understanding since then.

In life I always wished a bit for a grandmother. I have an Oma but she is a very big ocean away and visits are few and far between. There is a great deal of love but never the closeness I secretly wanted. Last night I attended a Mother-Daughter banquet and invited my 'Grandmother too.' I would not call the relationship we have a grandmother-granddaughter precisely. More like friends whose closeness grew out of a shared love for a hobby. We can confide in each other as I try not to sew my finger into the sewing machine again. She taught me a new way to make use of my shaky hands. In return, I fill our time with hopeful chatter about the future.

She will never be the typical sugar-cookie-making grandmother. I know she has her own children but never will have grandchildren. I'm happy to fill the role. When she said yes to the mother-daughter banquet I was thrilled. Blood may be what makes family but the heart is what truly counts. My heart sees her as family regardless of what genetics argue. Having a chronic illness brought emptiness to this life but a grandmother too helps fill the hole left behind.