What's in Your Fridge? Ah. Yes. Your Urine.

Today was the day for the heavy metals test. I refused to do it earlier this week because it is supposed to leave you feeling like crap (aka a bad case of the flu) and I really wanted to enjoy my trip to IKEA. There's just something awesome about the IKEA store. Even from a wheelchair point of view.

Dark urine? Drink more fluids!

Back to the point: heavy metal testing. For those unfamiliar the test looks for heavy metals (obviously) via a six-hour urine collection. They give you a handy dandy plastic cup to pee in first thing in the morning. Then you fill up a vial to the appropriate line and pack it in the fridge. Step 1. Easily done.

Next you take four of the largest size pills (and I take a lot of pills) you will ever see. Then, circled by my doctor for emphasis, you need to drink lots and lots of fluid. Only no one mentions you feel like throwing up. The last thing you want to do is open your mouth to drink constantly.

I have to say the most disturbing part is having to then capture your urine in another provided-for plastic cup before putting it in a 2-litter pull-out container. When the nurse was explaining the test I thought the pull-out container was pretty spiffy. Having to pour pee in it has cured me of ever wanting to see one again.

Most of the time I try to sleep until I feel a bit better. With only six-hours of testing I simply could not do that without the risk of not getting enough 'sample.' Agh. The grossest part is having to cart your pee-bottle to and from the fridge after every time you add to it. Pee in large amounts in the fridge is just not right.

For those who are curious, I made it through the six hours without napping, vomiting, and managed one liter of yellow stuff. The culminating moment of course is having to shake all you've managed to pee for thirty seconds. Then pouring out a very small amount to be placed back in the fridge. At least you can rid yourself of the pee bottle.

I have put my two vials in their bags, inside their own boxes in the fridge, and they will get sent out in their own FedEx special sample bags. Poor post man. Life's crazy enough without people sending their piss through the mail.