Lord. If I cannot Run then let me Fly

There is nothing quite like driving home on a clear fall night with the windows down and the scent of fall in the air. I always end up with an arm out the window at one point and my eyes glued to the stars above.* Sometimes I look for the constellations but mostly I just admire the sight. Who knew so much beauty existed outside a car window?

I loved Sailing. It was like flying over the water...

*I am not medically allowed to drive. If I were, my eyes would be glued to the road, with the windows up, and driving my usual paranoid-over-speeding-ticket-under-the-speed-limit pace.

Obviously I was thinking about the question tonight as my long-time boyfriend took me home. He finds my newly discovered symptom of not being able to feel the cold a misery for driving. I secretly love being able to have the windows open on a cold fall night. The cold air does not bother me. I get weird looks from the drivers passing by us but I could truly care less. Even if I could feel the cold I would happily suffer through it to be closer to the beauty of my favorite season.

Being alive, being able to feel the wind, taste the scent of fall in the air, and get lost in the stars always reminds me of how lucky I am. I am not lucky in the usual way. Unlike my marathon running little sister I do not have the ability to run and run and run until I can accomplish my goals. Just remembering the last time I could ever really run would take far to long to figure out. No. I cannot run nor can I be like my strong older brother nor am I a mother like my older sister. 

So if I am only myself then let me forget about trying to run like everyone else. Let me fly instead. Help me to let go of all the past regrets and move off into the future. I am lucky. Lucky to understand the regrets of today and yesterday should not stop me from loving the future of tomorrow. If I had not become 'sick' I would never have been able to see life the way I do now. I would not understand what it means to 'fly.' Truthfully, I will never completely understand but I do know this: running was like seeing life strictly from one perspective. Flying is like being able to see everything from a hundred perspectives. You cannot understand it until you try it.

Looking to start? My advice: Roll down the windows, check out the stars, breath in the air because it's so good to be alive, and let yourself enjoy the moment. It's good to be alive so why not start living?