Yesterday I was going to write about my annual 'I'm not dead but still chronically ill' appointment but ended up so tired I accidentally posted only the first sentence. Thank you to whoever 1+d it! The post was actually an accident but I appreciate it all the same.
I have seen a lot of doctors and now know the difference between one out for their own gain and one who actually cares. Mine does care. When I said the shaky hands were 'pretty good today.' He and my father both looked horrified. My hands shake to the point where it is embarrassingly noticeable. Everyone looks at me like I have gone crazy when I say, "really. It's not that bad." I am alive and they are still there. Does no one else see this as a positive?
Anyway, there was good news, no news, and bad news. The good news is whatever was on my initial MRI scan when I first became sick is mostly gone. My first incompetent doctor had thought it was a sinus infection in the ethmoid region. My father is friends with a neurosurgeon so he asked him to look over the scans. "Taking antibiotics is pointless. Those are arachnoid cysts in her brain and not a sinus infection." So over two and a half years later I figured another scan would shed light on whether or not this could play a role in my migraines. There is still a thing in the maxillary sinus region on the right side but the MRI technicians noted it to be 'stable.' I thought this was very good news. Finding out things hanging out in your brain are now gone is always a good feeling.
The no news is simply the problems remain. My walking is better, my fainting is not, the fatigue still sucks, I still have pain, lots of migraines, and I could go on and on. There is progress in one area but then other areas start to compensate for it. Example? The walking like a half-drunk person weaving from side to side is significantly better. The hand shaking is considerably worse, so is the tachycardia at night, and the foot numbness has begun to be more of an issue. I feel my foot but it's like a heavy weight at the end of my leg. I know it is there. Unfortunately the extent is pretty much that. A few weeks ago I was cleaning, something dangerous when you use your room as a workshop, and stepped on something sharp. I did not realize my foot was bleeding until I looked down and was like, "hey ho! There's blood coming out of my foot!"
My allergies are also driving me crazy. Years and years ago I got shots which worked miracles. I had no problems whatsoever. Starting a few years ago the allergies returned and keep hitting me with a vengeance. Hello allergy medications! Even they have stopped working properly.* We could do special drops (the explanation of these is just to confusing to explain here) but only if I do the testing. This testing always makes me sick. I get hit with literally the million-to-one ratio and my body goes crazy. The last testing bout I was so incredibly sick I started begging the nurse to please, please stop giving me anyone more shots. I have no desire to return to such horrors again.
*I found out from my doctor the shots have a ten-fifteen year range of effectiveness. No one explained that one! So the timing of their return actually corresponds perfectly with when they are no longer effective.
I am going to return to using the microcurrent treatments. I am starting them in two weeks. Last time the result was my foot's feeling returning full force after several treatments. The damn foot then started hurting! I gave up on them choosing to return to the numb painless state. Now I am going to start doing them all over again and just deal with it. Maybe the results will be better this time?
There is more to my visit obviously. Right now I am still processing the details. I need to speak with my long-time boyfriend and make more decisions. Life is never easy when you are chronically ill. Actually life is never easy for anyone so I cannot complain to much. I can say life has been better but it has also been significantly worse. This appointment is only a reminder of this fact.
Next week I have an appointment with another one of my doctors. I hope the results will be as wonderful as the cardiology ones. After all, positive thinking and humor are the core of my desire to keep fighting another day. I do not plan on giving up so easily :)
Positive thought of the day: My hands may shake but I still have them!
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