Shaky Hands. Steady Heart.

Today marked a new beginning into learning another creative skill. I wanted to go beyond just typical 'sewing' and expand into more complex maneuvers. My parents, being my parents, know someone for anything and everything (they're like a human iphone). Within a day or two they found someone who I could meet up with and learn from. 

Today was the first day and the beginning of making doll-size dress from a pattern. Things were fine with explaining but problems showed up immediately when it came to cutting out the work. My hands went into shaky mode. They are always a bit shaky. Normally I can get around it. Today they seemed completely against me. The moment I started cutting out the patterns my hands started shaking harder.  She obviously noticed but helped me by holding onto the material while I held the scissors.

Doing careful histology work in Cell Biology before being sick

The process of ten minutes to most people took me over an hour. Part of it came from needing to then mount the pattern and cut it out of the cloth. She had one of those handy dandy razors but I am embarrassed to say I could not use it. I worry about my fingers slipping, they often do, and chopping into them. 

Sitting there, I realized, how far my hands have shaken themselves. I used to be proud of my ability to inject one-two cell zebrafish embryos with a 'cocktail' through a very fine needle. All those years of delicate jewelry work came in handy in our genetics and cell biology labs. 

Now I have days so bad I can barely hold a cup properly. When my dad came to get me (not allowed to drive still) and the wonderful lady mentioned my hands. He said, "her shaky hands make us want to cry." Yet another person who wants to cry all over me! (see blog post on..I'm chronically ill. Not dead!). I asked him on the way home if what he said was true. Both my parents hate the shakiness of my hands. 

I won't lie. The shaky hands annoy me but I would rather they shake then be numb like my right foot. My hands are extremely important to me. Obviously every one finds hands important but for me it is on a different level entirely. I am a creative person. To be able to make jewelry, paint watercolors, do dollhouse work, and sew all requires my hands. They are part of the reason why I have a 'steady' heart. I can hold into my hope by still being able to use my hands to be creative. 

I know my hands shake. I know people want to cry when they seem them. I also know I am so lucky to have been born with hands able to do so many different types of work. Back in the day I was even able to weld and do wood working. I will not cry for what I can not do. Instead I will stay 'steady' in enjoying all I can do in this world. 

Positive Thought of the Day: Let the troubles in your life lead you to appreciate the smallest of life's joys.