Don't Cry for Me! I'm Chronically ill. Not Dead!

Pirate's day, booze, and a fainting spell led to the inevitable. The open honesty from my friend in the back seat, "every..every time I saw you I would go home and cry! You looked so skinny and frail and sick! It's not fair!" Then, the crocodile tears. The ones which are no ladylike sobs but heartbreaking cries.

No tears here!

 
"I'm not skinny! I'm thin!" My comment was lost amidst the tears. O, I was so very glad I was sitting in the front seat. Sometimes the chronic illness symptoms which make car sickness an uneasy reality really have their positive moments. I looked helplessly at her now fiancé. "It's true. She would come home and cry." The tears continued.


I'm not heartless but when it comes to people crying; I am just completely at a loss. Especially when they are sobbing like they're attending my funeral. For the record, I want a party at my funeral with my favorite lemon drop martinis and people to laugh not cry. "Did I really look that bad? I thought I was looking pretty good for not being in a wheelchair." Once again, the crying continued with mumbles of 'it's not fair. You don't deserve any of this. When you faint I get so worried and...'


When the sobs died down a bit I knew the time to point out a few obvious details had come. "Darling, I'm not dead. I'm still very much alive. You can't get rid me that easily and I really have no intention of losing to this nonsense. Not to mention, I gained back two pounds and some cleavage. See! I'm looking pretty good. Annnddd we didn't have to do this year's Renaissance Faire in a wheelchair!" I thought it best not to mention the two fainting spells. Last year they got me removed to the medical building and forced back into the wheelchair. Positive thinking here!


Most people would reach back and give the person a hug. I only initiate hugging when it comes to my parents or long-time boyfriend. Hugging is just not for me. I did reach back to give her a smile and hold her hand for a moment. Being myself I made some random joke about my being ill. Humor is how I deal with life. The tears dried up. We laughed together. Then headed out to her favorite bar still dressed in pirate get-ups.


I do not like to dwell on the past. When I first woke up from 'this is all a dream' I realized feeling sad would not be the answer. Every day I gave myself fifteen minutes of pity time and moved on. I am not dead although you can assume so if I stop writing. For now I have no plans on dying. I hate losing and losing to this health nonsense will never ever happen.

So do not cry! Be happy for me because I am happy. I see life in so many different ways than I could ever have thought possible. Every day I learn something new. Most importantly, there have been people (thank you to squidoo readers!) who have found my words made a difference. Even the tiniest difference made in a person's life is worth getting up for.

Positive thought of the day: It's far to early for one. So I will just say a very positive thank you to +Wasim Muklashy and +shonie Hutter for reposting my 'Perks of Being a To Young Patient at the Cardiologist.' Your enthusiasm for life keeps me motivated to keep on blogging and living mine.