I saw a new specialist who had a strong hunch about what might be behind some of my health problems, maybe all of them. For now I will not go into the details of what was discovered via x-rays. I am a jumble of emotions but mainly in physical pain right now. After all the details he decided to begin our now going to be twice a week treatment right away.
As part of my chronic illness, my brain has trouble with quick movements, lots of motion occurring simultaneously,* and fluorescent lighting (weird, I know.). By the time he had actually gotten through the testing and explained what was all very wrong I had already: 1) collapsed 2) started to experience ever-increasing vertigo 3) begun to get the signs of the impending fainting 4) had the shaking get worse. I finally even gave up on sitting in a chair and laid on the floor because I could feel the faint coming on. If I had been completely myself I might have pointed out waiting a day or two could possibly be a very good idea.
*My father enjoys watching a certain cable channel which has numbers moving one way on the bottom of the screen. One way on the top of the screen and the guy in center is always moving. I call it the 'seizure' channel. My brain can't handle it. It's like taking the carousel of vertigo I have slowed to about a speed of 1 and jacking it up to full speed. Definitely not a pretty sight so I steer clear of it.
After the treatment I ended up fainting. Waking up I realized: 1) get me back on the floor before I get another concussion from hitting it head first 2) I'm going to be sick, violently sick 3) I don't see a garbage can in arm's reach. I can't remember the last time I saw a medical person calling so frantically for something for me to vomit in. Be proud. I managed to not puke on his floor by literally holding it in. Then proceeded to violently throw up, make stupid jokes, laugh, throw up so hard it was painful, avoided narrowly passing back out in the bucket, and didn't get my long long hair in the sick.
One of the worst parts of being so sick is my eyes start to water. It's like the vomiting has to be accompanied by tears. Not because I am sad or upset. They just show up. Out loud I said, "O. Now I'm going to have raccoon eyes." And then had to laugh a bit (before vomiting again) at how silly it must seem. There I am hearing horrible news, in pain, throwing up, and I'm down because I will have raccoon eyes. There are times I have to laugh just because it's so absurd.
I won't describe the long process which followed after the being sick stopped. Let's just say it took a long time for my brain to accept where the floor was and get it to stop moving so fast. A strong cup of hot black coffee (caffeine style) helped immensely and by the time my niece fell asleep I was able to start getting ready to go.
Then I saw it. My reflection. Yes, there were the 'I've been crying' look to the eyeballs. You cannot really help what your eyes do but you can do something about your lashes. For the record I have been going in and out of waterproof mascaras trying everything from high-end to bargain to find ones which can last through sick sprees or serious pain happenings. So to actually find out I had no raccoon eyes and my lashes were still thoroughly intact...it was a beautiful moment! I felt like there was a Surname Positive Thinking Thought Bubble Above Me: Treatment Can Be Brutal but At Least I Discovered the Perfect Waterproof Mascara for all These Chronically ill Teary Moments.
I feel like I should be sending a letter to CoverGirl to tell them they really made the difference in my day. Without that bright spot I might just have lost my sense of humor completely. And that would be such a waste of mascara. After all, what goes better with long gorgeous lashes then a lively smile?
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